


What He's Doing Now

by palominopup



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Businessman Castiel, M/M, Singer Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 21:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7987582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palominopup/pseuds/palominopup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years ago, Dean and Cas ended their relationship over a misunderstanding.  An unplanned reunion has both men reeling. Can they get back what they had?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What He's Doing Now

** **

 

 

 

**October 16, 2015**

  
Dean glanced out the windows at the wind blowing through the trees. They’d probably get snowfall by morning. He turned his attention back to the sheet music spread out on the piano. After a few more note changes, he nodded. This was it. He picked up his guitar and began to strum softly. His rich baritone sang the lyrics he’d been painstakingly working on for more than a month.

  
**_Last time I saw him it was turnin' colder_**  
**_But that was years ago_**  
**_Last I heard he had moved to Boulder_**  
**_But where he's now I don't know_**  
**_But there's somethin' 'bout this time of year_**  
**_That spins my head around_**  
**_Takes me back makes me wonder_**  
**_What he's doin' now_**

 **_'Cause what he's doin' now is tearin' me apart_ **  
**_Fillin' up my mind and emptyin' my heart_ **  
**_I can hear him call each time the cold wind blows_ **  
**_And I wonder if he knows...what he's doin' now_ **

**_Just for laughs I dialed his old number_ **  
**_But no one knew his name_ **  
**_Hung up the phone sat there and wondered_ **  
**_If he'd ever done the same_ **  
**_I took a walk in the evenin' wind_ **  
**_To clear my head somehow_ **  
**_But tonight I lie here thinkin'_ **  
**_What he doin' now_ **

**_'Cause what he's doin' now is tearin' me apart_ **  
**_Fillin' up my mind and emptying my heart_ **  
**_I can hear him call each time the cold wind blows_ **  
**_And I wonder if he knows_ **

**_What he's doin' now is tearin' me apart_ **  
**_Fillin' up my mind and emptying my heart_ **  
**_I can hear him call each time the cold wind blows_ **  
**_And I wonder if he knows...what he's doin' now_ **

  
As the notes faded, Dean exhaled and leaned the guitar against its stand. He stood and stretched before heading to the kitchen of his house in the mountains of Tennessee. The house was close enough to Nashville to record his music, but far enough away to offer him privacy. Angel, his boxer, got up and shook, her tags jingling. She followed him.

  
The beer was cold and crisp, a local microbrew that he’d grown to love. He took another drink and wandered to the French doors that led to the deck. The view was spectacular, even as the sun was going down. The mountains spread out before him were what sold him the house he’d lived in for a little over two years now. He opened the door and let the dog bound outside. She ran out, squatted, and then raced around the yard. He watched her, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

  
His thoughts turned to the song he’d just finished. Even if it made it on the next CD, Cas would never hear it, but it was cathartic to write it just the same. He turned and walked to the huge mantel above the stone fireplace. Their picture held a place of honor there, next to other family pictures. He couldn’t bring himself to put it away. Dean picked it up and ran his fingertip over Cas’ face. He’d never love anyone the way he loved Cas. That’s why, five years later, Dean didn’t date. He couldn’t put himself out there.

  
Dean Winchester was one of country music’s leading singer songwriters. With ten CDs, all platinum, and countless chart-topping hits, he was constantly being paired in the media with models, actors and other singers, but those that knew him well were aware he slept alone.

  
He finished the beer and tossed the bottle into the trash. Tomorrow, he’d make the thirty minute drive to the studio to arrange to record the song with his band. Dean opened the refrigerator to grab another and then paused. He closed it. Alcohol just made the thoughts and dreams worse.

  
After letting Angel back inside, Dean locked up the house. Upstairs, he got undressed and brushed his teeth. The same routine he’d had since the tour ended in August. The large dog settled down on her bed and watched him with liquid brown eyes. He got under the covers and shut off the lamp. For once, he allowed himself to think about that night.

  
_November 15, 2010_

  
_Dean rode the elevator up to the twelfth floor of CGN Records. The heavy downtown Memphis traffic and crowds had given him a headache. He smiled as the doors opened. He’d left the band back in Dallas with the buses and decided to surprise his boyfriend of two years. He wanted to celebrate the end of the tour. They’d have three months to play house in Cas’ spacious apartment in the city before Dean would start another round of appearances. It was after hours, so the reception desk was empty. Joe, the security guard downstairs had let him in with no questions asked. Guess you didn’t interrogate the boss’s boyfriend. He knew Cas and Gabe were the last to leave most nights. Dean strode down the hall, past Gabe Novak’s office and grabbed the handle of Cas’ door. He heard voices inside. When he knocked, the door swung open. Cas was in a clench with a attractive brunette. Red lipstick smeared his mouth and his hair was more disheveled than usual. Dean stared. Cas looked guilty and the woman gave Dean a haughty look. “You’re interrupting.”_

  
_“Dean, it’s not what…”_

  
_“If you say it’s not what you think, I’m going to fuckin’ punch you,” Dean bit out. He spun on his heel and strode towards the elevators. He heard Cas calling him, but it only made him walk faster._

  
Dean rolled to his side and stared out the window at the moon hanging over the mountains. That was the last time he saw Cas. Dean’s security guys were told to keep him away. Dean blocked his number. He sent his lawyers to get out of the contract with the CGN label. After three months, Cas had given up trying to see him. Dean tried not to think about Cas, but five years later, the man’s blue eyes haunted him.

  
The recording industry was small, so when the news hit that CGN Records split apart six months after that night, with Gabe keeping the majority of the clients and Cas moving to Boulder to start a new company, it was the subject of every conversation Dean heard. Cas’ new company didn’t sign country singers. He specialized in contemporary artists now.

  
A year later, Dean was changing flights in Atlanta when a poster stopped him in his tracks. It was her. The bitch that was with Cas that night. The poster showed the woman in a form fitting black dress, microphone in hand. Her name was Amara. No last name. She was a singer. It figured. Fucking her way to a recording contract. Bitterly, he wondered if she was one of Cas’ moneymakers.

  
The next morning, Dean stared into the mirror. There were dark circles under his eyes. He hadn’t slept. He showered and dressed, picked up the sheet music and hit the road. He drove through the busy streets to the small studio owned by Wild Horse Records, the label he’d had since leaving CGN. They were happy to have a star of his magnitude.

  
Most of the day was spent with the band rehearsing the new song. If anyone noticed the resounding sadness in the words, no one had the balls to mention it. Plans were made to lay down tracks the following week for a December release, right in time for the holiday sales rush.

  
**December 12, 2015**

  
Castiel Novak pulled at the offending tie, a frown marring his handsome face. His friend and personal assistant, Meg, took his arm and turned him around. She created a perfect Windsor knot and patted Castiel’s chest. “Waiting a few more months isn’t a big deal, Castiel. You need to be sure this is what you want.”

  
“Richard doesn’t want to wait,” Castiel said softly, not meeting her eyes. Her expression darkened. Castiel knew how Meg felt about the man he was about to marry. They hated each other. Changing the subject, Cas asked, “Is he here?”

  
“Not yet,” she whispered, shrugging her shoulders, left bare in the dark blue gown. He’d invited Gabriel to the wedding. Ever since that fateful night, their relationship was strained, but he’d hoped Gabriel would be here today. When he’d left CGN, the distance between the two men lengthened, but they were still brothers and talked occasionally.

  
The door opened and Richard stepped into the room. He nodded to Meg with barely concealed hatred and then his eyes softened when he saw Castiel. “You look gorgeous.” He moved into Castiel’s personal space and leaned in for a kiss. Castiel tried to return the smile, but only succeeded in easing the tight line of his lips. Richard either didn’t notice or pretended not to. “The minister is downstairs.”

  
“We’ll be down in a minute,” Meg said firmly. Richard looked like he wanted to argue, but Castiel placed a guiding hand on his forearm and the other man nodded briskly before leaving. The click of the door was abnormally loud. Meg rounded on him. “You don’t love him.”

  
“It doesn’t matter,” Castiel replied stoically. “Richard fits into my life.”

  
“God damn it, Clarence, it matters. Fuck him all you want, but don’t marry him just to get some dick from Dick.” The nickname was hated by Richard and Meg used it more and more over the past few months leading up to the wedding. Castiel knew she was doing it to piss his fiancé off.

  
Castiel sighed, resigned to the fact that his best friend and his future husband would never get along. A memory of Dean and Meg throwing French fries at each other and giggling like children flashed in his head and he blocked it out.

  
“It’s time.” He’d ignored Meg’s reference to his sex life. He wouldn’t address it…not with Meg…not with anyone. He put his arm in the sleeve of his navy blazer and was feeling around for the other one when someone banged on the door. Meg opened it and Gabriel stood there. He was unsmiling. Castiel couldn’t help the rush of affection for the brother he was once close to. “I’m glad you could make it.”

  
Gabriel came in and shut the door. He made a show of locking it. Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Before you go through with this…whatever this is…I need you to listen to something.”

  
Castiel rubbed his temples with the tips of his fingers. “Please, Gabriel…”

  
“No. Listen to this and if you still want to marry that gold-digging son of a bitch, I’ll never say another word.” Gabriel held up an iPod.

  
“What is it?” Castiel’s curiosity was piqued.

  
“Just listen.” Castiel noticed the look Meg and his brother traded and felt something like dread take hold of his heart.

  
He took it and pressed his thumb on the play icon. He knew that voice. His legs felt too weak to hold him and he sank to the small loveseat.

  
**_Last time I saw him it was turnin' colder_**  
**_But that was years ago_**  
**_Last I heard he had moved to Boulder_**  
**_But where he's now I don't know_**  
**_But there's somethin' 'bout this time of year_**  
**_That spins my head around_**  
**_Takes me back makes me wonder_**  
**_What he's doin' now_**

  
The words and the melody were haunting. There was no doubt who Dean was singing about. Cas played it again, the world fading away until it was just Dean’s beautiful voice. When it ended the second time, Gabriel and Meg were staring at him. “His newest CD was just released and this song is already climbing the charts after only one week,” Gabriel said softly.

  
“Please leave me alone.” They didn’t argue. When the door shut behind them, Castiel covered his face with trembling hands. It was all so stupid. Dean had been so stubborn. It was Dean’s fault they were apart. Why now? Why did he have to release that song now?

  
_November 15, 2010_

  
_It was Castiel’s second meeting with the singer. She was pretty and talented, but Gabriel didn’t want to sign her because she drifted towards pop and not their usual country acts. The meeting was all about telling her she wasn’t what they were looking for. It was the classic good luck, hope everything turns out well for you speech. She sat across from him, long legs crossed to show them off. He didn’t even give them a second glance. His heart belonged to Dean…it always would. He’d told her he appreciated her talent and she’d make it big one day, just not with CGN. She’d surprised him by letting a tear roll down her cheek. She’d just seemed cold and hard to him up until then. He stood up to show her out and suddenly, she was wrapped around him, promising to do anything he wanted. He grabbed her wrists to push her away, but she managed to kiss him firmly on the mouth. Anger pulsed through him. He tried to push her away and then there was a single knock on his door. Hoping it was his brother, Castiel turned and that’s when his world shattered around him._

  
_He tried to follow Dean, but the blasted woman still clung to him. Her hand groped at his crotch. He snarled at her and shoved her away. By the time he got out of his office, Dean was at the elevators and the doors were shutting._

  
He tried to find Dean in the city that night. None of the hotels in the area had him as a guest. His calls and texts went unanswered. He’d driven to the modest condo Dean owned in Nashville, but it was locked up and Dean’s beloved Impala wasn’t in the parking lot. He’d tried calling Dean’s brother, friends and band members. No one took his calls. Days turned to weeks. When Gabriel came to his office to inform him that Dean’s attorneys were there to dissolve the contract, Castiel told him not to fight it. They let Dean walk away without any penalties. Castiel stalked Dean on social media and showed up at places where Dean was sighted. But even if he was lucky and Dean was still there, the singer’s hired henchman turned him away.

  
It took him three long months before he finally gave up. Dean didn’t want to hear the truth. It was painfully obvious Dean hadn’t loved him or trusted him – not the way Castiel loved Dean. Trust was something he thought they had. He didn’t even blink an eye when pictures of Dean showed up of the handsome singer with various women and men because he knew Dean was faithful. Apparently, Dean didn’t feel the same. A few weeks later, Castiel informed Gabriel that he was leaving the company they built and starting a smaller recording label in Boulder, as far away from the memories of Dean as he could get.

  
Anger surged through him and he threw the iPod across the room. It hit the wall and exploded into pieces. After all this time. Five long years. On his wedding day. His fucking wedding day.

  
Loud voices came from the other side of the door. He recognized Richard’s voice…and Gabriel’s. He couldn’t do this. He knew Richard loved his money and prestige. The graphic designer met Castiel when he needed artwork done for the cover of a CD. Castiel’s ego needed the boost Richard offered. He flirted with Castiel, invited him to lunch and soon, they were dating. The sex, when it finally happened, was disappointing. Castiel felt like he was just going through the motions, but Richard didn’t seem to care. When it dwindled down to once or twice a month, Castiel was relieved. Looking back, Castiel was so involved with his own company, he didn’t notice that Richard was steering him towards marriage. He went along because Dean was gone for good and Richard was a warm body to come home to. He was smart, good looking and knew how to act when they had to appear in public. The realization hit him like a freight train. Richard was just a poor substitute. How had he let it get this far?

  
The door burst open. Richard, red-faced with rage, stomped into the room. Gabriel right behind him. “Castiel, what is going on? People are waiting downstairs. Reporters are here.”

  
Castiel stood up and met Richard’s eyes. “Richard, I can’t…”

  
“No…don’t you dare.” Castiel closed his eyes. He wished he could just go back in time.

  
The days that followed were tough. Gabriel and Meg helped him deal with most of it. Richard showed his true colors by insisting he keep the car, the jewelry and he even wanted Castiel to pay his rent. He claimed emotional distress. Castiel was ready to give into his demands just to get him to go away, but Meg wouldn’t hear of it. In the end, Richard got to keep the gifts, but Meg had the car removed since it was registered in Castiel’s name. Castiel wasn’t even sure where the damn thing was. Did Meg have it garaged somewhere or did she arrange for its sale? He really didn’t care.

  
Dean’s song continued to climb the charts. Castiel listened to the CD every night before going to bed.

  
**February 6, 2016**

  
The party in Malibu was not something Dean usually attended. First of all, it was in California. Secondly, it was a party. Dean hated parties. His agent, Crowley, insisted though. One of his songs was being considered as the soundtrack of a movie that had the potential of being a blockbuster. Crowley was mingling, rubbing elbows with the Hollywood bigwigs. With a beer in his hand, Dean stepped out onto the deck. The ocean was beautiful this time of night, but he missed his quiet house and his dog.

  
“You look familiar,” a sultry voice said from beside him. Dean turned his head and he couldn’t school his expression fast enough. “Wow, I guess you aren’t my biggest fan.” She laughed, but continued to stare at him intently. “Are you in the business?”

  
His hand tightened around the bottle he held. “Yeah.”

  
“I figured you had to be an actor or a model with looks like yours.” Dean needed to escape before he lost his shit. He looked around wildly. “My name is Amara. I’m a singer. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?”

  
“I need to go,” Dean choked out.

  
“Oh, my God. It’s you.” Dean saw the recognition on her face. “I remember you now. God, I didn’t know he was gay or I wouldn’t have gotten frisky with him. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, right?”

  
“Guess he wasn’t that gay, huh?” Dean spat out.

  
Her high pitched laugh sounded like nails on a chalkboard. “Honey, for him to turn me down, he had to be queer. He wouldn’t even touch me.”

  
Dean felt like he couldn’t breathe. “He…”

  
Understanding dawned on her face. “You and he…shit. You thought he was cheating on you. It all makes sense now. That’s so funny.” She started to laugh again. Dean never wanted to hit a woman more. He stepped off the deck and headed down the beach. He needed to think. All this time, he’d thought the worst. He never gave Cas a chance. He slowly sank to his knees in the cool sand. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, but when his knees complained, he finally stood and brushed off. He couldn’t return to the party and risk running into that she-devil, so he skirted around the side of the house until he spied the valet. When the guy brought his rental around, Dean didn’t stick around. From the car, he booked a flight home, then went to the hotel to pack.

  
He’d slept fitfully on the plane after taking a mild sleeping pill. He landed and was driving the Impala home by eight a.m.

  
Angel jumped in circles when he unlocked the door. Charlie looked up from the couch. She removed her headphones. “You weren’t supposed to be home until tomorrow night.”

  
“Change of plans.”

  
“You get the gig?” Charlie, his publicist, friend and occasional dog-sitter, looked at him expectantly.

  
“Don’t know,” he mumbled, bending to hug his dog. He buried his face in her neck.

  
“Dean, is everything okay?”

  
“Yeah…no…I don’t know.” Charlie hadn’t been there for the bad times after Cas. He hired her after he changed labels. He sat on the edge of the fireplace and told her the whole story from the beginning. Charlie never interrupted, which was unusual for the talkative woman. The morning sun moved higher in the sky and Dean finally ran out of words. “I messed up and…and I don’t know what to do.”

  
Charlie got up from her spot on the couch and knelt in front of him. “You jumped to conclusions, but it was a normal human reaction, Dean. I only have one question.” Dean stared at his hands. “Do you want to fix it?”

  
“It’s been five years, Charlie.”

  
“That’s not an answer.”

  
“He’s probably moved on to someone else.” That thought felt like a knife twisting in his chest.

  
“I will take that as a yes.” Charlie jumped up and grabbed her laptop off the coffee table.

  
“Charlie, what are you doing?”

  
“I’m just going to see what he’s been up to. What’s his last name?”

  
“Novak, Cas…Castiel Novak. I know what he’s been doing. He started his own label in Boulder.”

  
“I’m not talking about his professional life, Dean.” She continued to tap on the keyboard. Angel stayed by his side, sensing his mood, her big head on his lap. The typing stopped. Dean stared at her still hands poised over the keys.

  
“What?”

  
“He’s engaged.” Dean’s heart plummeted. He knew someone like Cas would move on. “Uhm, wait.” She moved the mouse, scrolling down the page. “Ha,” she crowed. “The wedding was called off.” She began to read.

  
“Sources say Castiel Novak’s brother’s arrival on the day of the wedding might have something to do with the canceled wedding. The two brothers have been estranged for a few years after Castiel Novak left CGN Records to start his own recording label. Neither brother would answer calls from the media. Richard Vincent, a graphic designer and the jilted groom, made several derogatory comments about both Novak brothers. There is speculation that Novak was the one who called off the wedding, but we may never know.”

  
She met his eyes over the screen. “Dean, you have to call him.”

  
“I don’t think I can, Charlie.”

  
“Bullshit.”

  
Dean put a stop to all talk of Cas. He packed Charlie up on her yellow Volkswagon and watched her drive down the long driveway.

  
**February 10, 2016**

  
“Mr. Novak, please.”

  
“May I say who’s calling?” The prim voice asked.

  
“Tell him it’s Dean Winchester’s publicist.” Charlie had done quite a bit of research and she had a plan.

  
“Hold, please.” You’d think a big record label like CGN would have better music playing while you were stuck on hold. She checked her email while she waited.

  
“This is Gabe Novak.”

  
“We need to talk.”

  
**March 1, 2016**

  
“I don’t see why I couldn’t get a demo tape, Meg,” Castiel complained from the passenger seat of the rental. Both Meg and Gabriel raved about some new singer and now, he was in Nashville. He didn’t take on country singers, but Meg assured him that the guy was more of the soft rock genre.

  
“You need to just see him perform live, Clarence. Could you stop whining?” Castiel leaned back in the seat and stared out the window. Minutes ticked by. He was suddenly aware that they were leaving the downtown area behind.

  
“I thought you said the club was in Nashville.”

  
“Did I?” Castiel gave her a suspicious look.

  
“Meg.” He drew out her name to show his displeasure. “What is going on?”

  
“The club is not far. Just keeps your panties on, Clarence.” He watched her consult the car’s GPS several times and about thirty minutes later, she turned onto a private driveway. There was an electronic gate blocking the way. Smugly, she pulled out her phone. “We’re at the gate…yes…be ready.”

  
“Meg, tell me what’s going on or so help me…” The gate rolled slowly open and Meg pressed on the gas pedal, throwing Castiel back into his seat.

  
“Shut up and hold on, Clarence.” She pulled up to a beautiful stone house. The door opened and a petite redheaded woman ran to the car. She opened his door.

  
“You must be Cas…hurry up.” She tugged him out of the car and she took his place. The car whipped around the circular driveway, leaving a stunned Castiel gaping at the taillights.

  
“Meg…what the…” Castiel watched the car disappear. His suitcase was on the other side of the driveway. When had Meg dumped it out of the car? Castiel turned in a circle, unsure about what to do. A dog’s barks drew his attention and a large canine came around the house. Castiel ran for his suitcase and put it between him and the dog. “Shhh, good boy…good dog.” The dog, a Boxer, stopped and wagged his tail. Castiel chuckled. “Some watchdog you are.”

  
“Angel, what are you barking at…Jeez…Charlie…how did Angel get out of the…” Both men froze. Castiel took in the sight of Dean. He was wearing loose sweatpants and a Dallas Cowboys hoodie. The face he’d loved to distraction was covered in stubble. He swallowed hard.

  
“What…what are you doing here, Cas?”

  
“I don’t know.” Strangely enough, his voice sounded normal. Dean opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it again. “Meg just…left me here. She drove off with some woman…a redhead.”

  
“Charlie,” Dean snarled. He reached into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out a phone. He jabbed at it a few times and then put it to his ear. Castiel couldn’t help but stare. He noticed Dean was a bit leaner and he looked tired. “God damn it, Charlie…call me when you get this.” Dean crammed the phone back in his pocket. He glanced at Castiel and then turned. “You might as well come in,” he mumbled over his shoulder.

  
Castiel picked up his suitcase and followed Dean into the house. The dog trotted along beside him. The entryway was beautiful. Gleaming hardwood floors and tasteful furnishing greeted him. “You have a beautiful home.”

  
“Thanks.” Dean led the way into a large living room. The sun was behind the mountains now, but Castiel could still see the spectacular view.

  
“I should call Meg and see what’s going on.” Castiel released the tight grip on his suitcase and pulled his phone of out the pocket of his trenchcoat. Dean went to a small bar set up in the corner of the room and poured amber liquid into a crystal tumbler. Castiel knew it was probably Scotch. Dean drank it when he was upset or nervous.

  
Meg’s phone went straight to voice mail. “She’s not answering. I should call a cab.”

  
Dean laughed mirthlessly. “Right. The closest city with a cab company is Nashville, Castiel. So, good luck with that.” Dean’s use of his full name was like a physical blow.

  
“Dean, I…”

  
“Castiel, please…just give me a minute before we rehash the past, okay?”

  
“I was just going to tell you that I will make some calls and arrange for a ride back to Nashville.”

  
“Oh.” Their eyes locked and neither man moved. The dog whined, picking up on the tension in the room and Dean finally looked away. “It’s okay, Girl,” he murmured, rubbing her ears.

  
“I’ll just make my calls then,” Castiel said, and walked back into the entryway. He didn’t need to be in the same room with Dean.

  
***

  
The shock of seeing Cas in his front yard made Dean’s head spin and his heart race. The motherfucker had to look just as good as if it hadn’t been five years. He looked every inch the successful businessman with his dark suit, blue tie and tan trenchcoat.  
The words they’d exchanged so far were polite, as if they were strangers. He was going to kill Charlie. He knew this was her doing. How she got Cas here was anybody’s guess. Then again, Meg had her hands in it too. The thought of those two together sent chills up Dean’s spine.

  
Obviously, Cas couldn’t wait to get away from him. He’d pay out the ass to get a car to come up here. If he was that eager to leave…well, Dean didn’t care. He could hear Cas talking in the foyer. Even if he got someone to come tonight, it would take an hour…maybe more. Needing something to do, Dean laid some logs on the grate and started a fire. When he stood, he saw the picture on the mantel and quickly laid it face down. Cas didn’t need to see that Dean still…still what? Still loved him. The feelings weren’t mutual since Cas almost married some other guy.

  
Cas’ voice rose and he got that ‘don’t fuck with me’ tone Dean heard during the fights they used to have. They always ended up in bed having either angry or makeup sex afterwards. They’d been good together, but they both had volatile tempers and sometimes one or both of them would explode. They always managed to work it out though.

  
Dean could tell by Cas’ face that his calls didn’t go as planned. “The earliest I can leave is tomorrow morning. Leave it to you to buy a house in the middle of nowhere.” Dean heard the frustration in Cas’ voice and couldn’t help fucking with him.

  
“It’s a big house, so I’m sure you can avoid me. There’s a guest room at the top of the stairs.” Without a backward glance, he strode into the kitchen. Angel’s nails clicked on the floor as she followed him. He fed her and was staring into the fridge trying to figure out what to eat when he heard Cas behind him.

  
“I realize this situation is not of our choosing, but we are both adults…” Dean shut the door and turned around and almost stumbled backwards. Cas was right there in his personal space. Cas stopped mid-sentence. Dean watched as a shadow seemed to fall over Cas’ features. Cas stepped back. “I’m sorry, Dean. I will stay out of your way.” Dean watched Cas’ retreating back and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

  
“Damn it, Cas. Wait.” Cas stopped in the doorway, but didn’t turn around. “I know it’s five years too late, but I…I should have trusted you. I should have listened.” Cas bowed his head and Dean saw that his fists were tight by his sides.

  
“I would have reacted the same,” Cas said, his words barely audible.

  
“No. That’s not true. How many times did pictures hit the tabloids of me with someone else at a party or after a concert? You never once questioned me.”

  
Cas slowly turned around. “I trusted you, Dean. I loved you so much and I thought that you…loved me.”

  
“I did love you, Cas. You were it for me.”

  
Cas’ smile was sad. “Water under the bridge. I will be in the guest room and hopefully be out of your life in the morning.” Dean let him go. He heard his tread on the stairs. Dean cursed his cowardice. He couldn’t blame Cas for hating him.

  
He went through the motions of fixing dinner. He made enough for two. He sautéed the fish and chopped the mangos for a salsa. The roasted corn came out perfect. He found a tray in the cabinet, it was one that Charlie brought over the last time he got the flu. He plated the food, set a beer next to it and looked down at his peace offering.

  
The guest room door was shut, but with his hands full, he couldn’t knock. “Cas.”

  
He heard movement and the door opened. Cas had lost the coat, tie and blazer. His white shirt was open at the neck and he’d rolled up the sleeves to expose his forearms. Dean licked his lips and thrust the tray forward. “Dinner.”

  
“Thank you,” Cas said formally. He took the tray and they stood there awkwardly. Dean shoved his hands in the pocket of his hoodie just to have something to do with them.

  
“Yeah, you’re welcome.” Dean waved in the direction of the stairs. “I’ll just go…” He spun around before Cas could say anything else and trotted down the stairs.

  
His own food tasted like cardboard. He pushed it around on his plate for awhile and then tossed it into the trash can.

  
“Come on, Angel, let’s go outside.” He opened the back door and the dog bounded onto the deck and then flew down the steps. He leaned on the railing. He must have been a shitty person in a previous life to have this happen to him. He stiffened when he heard the door open behind him, but he didn’t turn around.

  
“I would have forgiven you anything, Dean.” Cas mimicked Dean’s position on the rail, their elbows barely touching. “I tried so hard to reach you…to make you listen.”

  
“I just couldn’t deal with it, Cas. It was like my whole world exploded. I could barely function. Shit, the band had to intervene and keep me away from the booze.”

  
“I just worked. That’s how I coped. I became a belligerent asshole. I got so tired of all the pitying looks.” He gave a soft laugh. “That’s why I left CGN. Gabriel was such a good brother after…after that night, but I didn’t want…” Cas stopped and sighed. He dropped his head to rest on his clasped hands. “That song… Why, Dean. After all these years…why now?”

  
Dean stared out at the darkness, knowing each dip and curve of the land around him without seeing it. “I haven’t been able to move on, Cas. I needed to let it go. You know me, I use music to work through things. I never thought you’d hear it. Rumor has it that you don’t have anything to do with the country scene anymore.”

  
The two men were quiet, each deep in their own thoughts. The sounds of the night whispered around them. The breeze was picking up and Dean glanced over. Cas was still in his dress shirt with no coat. “You should get back inside.”

  
“Are you coming?” Cas straightened.

  
“I’ll be in in a minute.” Cas nodded and stepped through the French doors, shutting them firmly behind him. Through the glass, Dean watched him go to the fireplace and rub his arms. “Stubborn bastard,” he mumbled. A few minutes later, Angel’s claws could be heard scraping on the stairs as she bounded up them. Tongue lolling out of the side of her mouth, she stopped in front of Dean. “Ready for bed?” She gave a soft woof and ran for the door, looking back at him expectantly.

  
Inside, she trotted to the kitchen to get her water. Dean stood awkwardly, hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie. “Stay up as late as you want, Cas.” He turned and headed up the stairs. He shut his bedroom door and leaned against it. All the memories flooded into his mind. The mornings in bed, the gasps of pleasure, the days on the tour with only a phone linking them together. They’d made it work despite Dean being on the road half the year. Cas made the time to come see him when he could get away from the recording studio. They’d even talked about marriage, nothing serious, just conversation. Dean bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. He had no one to blame but himself. Cas always accused him of being hotheaded.

  
***

  
Castiel stayed where he was by the fire and watched Dean leave the room. He shook his head, trying to stop the old memories from invading his head. He’d bought Dean a ring and had planned on giving it to him at the end of the tour. It was in his desk drawer that night. Now, it was packed away in a box with all of the other things he’d kept – the pictures, the stupid teddy bear Dean won him at a fair, the collection of rocks Dean brought him from every stop on his tours. The box was in a closet in his apartment. Once, at the three year mark, Castiel had taken it all the way to the trash dumpster before hugging it tightly to his chest and returning to his apartment. It sat on the dining room table for over a month until Castiel got tired of seeing it and placed it back in the dark closet.

  
Without Dean to make him nervous, Castiel looked around the living room. It was comfortable and had a lived in feel to it. He imagined Dean spent a lot of time in here. He ran his hands over the massive stone mantle. He recognized many of the framed photos. Most were of Dean’s family. His brother, Sam. His late parents, John and Mary. Bobby, the older man that kept the boys together after their deaths. His eyes lit on a glint of silver and he stood on his tiptoes. A frame was face down. Carefully, he picked it up and turned it over. He smiled.

  
It was the two of them taken at CGN’s Christmas party the year before…before that night. Both of them were drinking heavily and Castiel was tired, and it showed. Dean kept it in his home, on his mantel. Castiel wondered if Dean turned it over recently. Rebelliously, Cas placed the picture back where it was, but upright, Dean’s happy face looking back at him.

  
Castiel wandered around the lower floor of Dean’s house, taking in the care that had gone into decorating it. The kitchen was always Dean’s favorite room and it showed here. Rustic beams graced the ceiling and all the wood appeared to be reclaimed, sanded so the original turquoise was washed out. Dean always dreamed of a large professional range and double ovens. He got his wish. Who did Dean cook for? Was there someone in his life? Castiel didn’t want to go there. He flipped off the light and moved on.

  
The next room didn’t fit the rest of the house’s charm. Dean’s music room. Painted stark white with honey colored wood floors, it was lit by bright fluorescent bulbs. A baby grand sat in the middle of the room and along one wall was a glass case that held all Dean’s guitars. Some he played, some were keepsakes. Castiel found the Ovation he’d gotten Dean for his birthday. Feeling like he’d intruded on Dean’s private sanctum, he backed out of the room and shut off the lights.

  
Quietly, he walked upstairs and into the guest room. He undressed and pulled on a pair of gray plaid pajama pants. Taking his shaving kit, he went across the hall to the bathroom. He was squeezing toothpaste onto his brush when Dean appeared at the door. Castiel froze, toothbrush in one hand, paste in the other.

  
“I missed you so much.” Castiel closed his eyes and let the words sink in.

  
“I missed you too, Dean,” Castiel whispered. Dean was nibbling on his lower lip, a sure sign he was nervous. Castiel was afraid to move. Dean looked ready to bolt and Castiel didn’t want to spook him. He said the only thing he could think of. “I would forgive you anything, Dean. I loved you that much.”

  
Dean’s eyes filled, but the tears didn’t spill over. “Past tense?” His words were barely audible. Castiel set the toothbrush and paste down and took a chance. He stepped forward, bringing himself within touching distance of Dean.

  
“I never stopped.”

  
The laugh was bitter and loud in the confines of the bathroom. “You were engaged to another man, Cas,” the words were laced with anger and Castiel felt each one like physical blow.

  
“Yes.”

  
“This is stupid,” Dean said and then he was gone. Castiel winced at the slamming of the door. He moved towards the door and sank to his knees, pressing his forehead against it.

  
“Richard was my song, Dean.” Castiel could almost sense Dean on the other side of the door. “You wrote a song to put what we had to rest. I used Richard the same way. I wanted to stop loving you. And God knows, I tried.”

  
“Who broke it off?” Dean asked, his voice muffled by the door.

  
“I did. The day I heard your song. The day of the wedding.”

  
The minutes ticked by. Castiel shifted so he was sitting with his back to the door. Soon, his eyes grew heavy and he dozed off.

  
When the hard surface at his back moved, it startled Castiel out of his slumber. Dean looked down at him. His dog sniffed at him and licked his face. Dean was dressed in faded jeans and an old t-shirt advertising Ghost River Brewing Company. Castiel struggled to his feet, his back aching from staying in the same position all night.

  
“Where do we go from here, Cas?” The dog whined and Dean released a tired breath. “I’ve got to go let her out.”

  
Castiel nodded and after Dean was on the stairs, he went back into the bathroom. He looked in the mirror and groaned. He never did brush his teeth last night and his mouth felt disgusting. He took care of his personal hygiene, used the bathroom and returned to the guest room. He pulled on the slacks and shirt from yesterday, checked his phone for any messages and headed downstairs with the tray from his dinner.

  
Coffee was brewing. Dean wasn’t in sight, so he placed the tray on the island and rinsed the plate and flatware. A sugar bowl, a carton of cream and two cups sat beside the coffeemaker. He made Dean’s with two sugars and added cream to his own. He took them into the living room and saw Dean out on the deck. In the morning light, the view was amazing. He could see why Dean bought this place. Balancing the mugs in one hand, he opened the door. March in the Tennessee mountains was still chilly. He shivered, but braved the cold. The wood was icy under his bare feet.

  
Dean watched him approach and reached for his mug as Castiel neared him. After the first sip, he sighed. “You remembered.”

  
“Black, two sugars.”

  
Castiel glanced around the deck. There was a hot tub in the corner and a grill at the other end. A picnic table and a few chairs flanked the barbeque area. Castiel hadn’t forgotten the question Dean asked before his attention was drawn away by the dog. He’d thought about it while he dressed. “I want to try again, Dean.”

  
Dean stared into his coffee, a slight smile on his lips. “I hoped you’d say that.”

  
“It means starting over, Dean. Five years is a long time. We don’t know each other…”

  
“We know enough,” Dean interrupted. A car horn honked. Dean’s look was determined. “I’ll tell them to go away.”

  
“Dean, I…”

“No. I’ll take you into town later.” Dean pushed off of the railing and handed Castiel his mug before disappearing into the house.

  
***

  
Dean shoved a hundred dollar bill at the driver and sent him back to Nashville. He stood by the driveway until the car was gone. He was getting another chance with Cas. He was scared.

  
_May 10, 2008_

  
_CGN wanted him for their label. Crowley read the contract out loud while Dean strummed his guitar. When he was finished, his agent looked up at him. “You’d be a fool not to sign on the dotted line.”_  
_“I’m no fool,” Dean said with a grin._

  
_Signed contract in hand, he walked through the glass and chrome offices of CGN Records. When he got to the reception desk, a pretty blonde smiled up at him. He stated his business and she asked him to take a seat. He sat, one booted foot crossed and resting on his thigh._

  
_The man that came forward took his breath away. For a minute Dean forgot to breathe. “Hello, Dean. I’m Castiel Novak.” He held out his hand and Dean shook it. Their eyes locked and held, hands still clasped together. It was Dean who gave an embarrassed laugh and pulled away._

  
_Two days later, they were having dinner. A week after that Dean was in Cas’ bed. Two years later and they were madly in love, committed to each other and then everything ended._

  
Could they get it back? Dean knew he still loved Cas. He knew it the moment he saw him in his front yard, looking out of place and pissed off at the world. Dean wasn’t much on the whole soulmates thing, but he knew Cas was it for him. He knew it five years ago when he wanted to crawl inside of a bottle to forget Cas’ lipstick smeared lips. He knew it six months ago when the words to the song clawed their way out of him.

  
As he walked up to his front door, his phone rang. Charlie. “I cannot believe you. You overstepped the boundaries of our friendship, Charlie.” He knew his words were harsh and he knew if Charlie hadn’t stuck her nose where it didn’t belong, Cas wouldn’t be standing on his back deck right now.

  
“You still love him, Dean. And he still loves you. This was the only way to get you two together to talk. You have talked, haven’t you?”

  
“Yeah.”

  
“And…”

  
“And nothing, Charlie. We’re talking. That’s all I’m giving you. You can pass that along to your new friend, Meg.”

  
“Good luck, Dean,” Charlie said softly and he knew he’d forgive her for meddling.

  
“Thanks, Red.”

  
He took a steadying breath and walked through the house. Cas was in the living room, sitting on the couch with Angel’s head in his lap. He looked up as Dean approached. “So…”

  
“So…,” Dean repeated.

  
“Do we start at the beginning?” Cas asked. “A clean slate?”

  
“Yeah. Okay.” Dean blushed and he knew his smile was probably more of a smirk. “Dinner? And if I remember we have a week before we…” He lifted an eyebrow and Cas laughed. He missed that sound.

  
“A week, it is.”

  
**May 3, 2016**

  
Castiel unpacked the rest of the boxes and looked around. The media had picked up on the story quickly. Castiel Novak was back at CGN, working beside his brother. The only difference was that Castiel worked in the smaller satellite office in Nashville and still handled contemporary artists. By mutual agreement, Dean stayed with the label he’d had for the past five years.

  
Castiel’s apartment in the city was rarely used anymore. When they first started over, Castiel stayed at his own place most of the time. He was going to do it right this time. They took things slower this time. The week turned into two, then three. They shared kisses and there was a lot of touching, but one of them would always be the voice of reason.

  
Exactly one month after Castiel was left stranded in Dean’s front yard, Dean asked him to stay the weekend at his house. They both knew what it meant and their first time was like coming home. They christened every room in Dean’s house and even the back deck. Dean cooked for him and Castiel listened while Dean wrote songs. Those five years melted away.

  
Castiel’s phone chirped and he smiled at the text. Dean was going to stop by on his way home from the recording studio. It was too soon to talk about marriage, but Castiel wanted to show Dean the ring. It would give them something to work towards.

  
He heard Dean talking to Meg in the outer office. Her laughter rang out and Castiel smiled. He would have never given up Meg for Richard. Dean would never ask that of him. His door was pushed open and Dean strode in. He was wearing a pair of tight fitting jeans that did things to Castiel’s libido. “You have a photo shoot or something?” Dean didn’t dress the part of a country singer unless he was on stage, but today he was wearing cowboy boots and a western style shirt. He was holding his tan Stetson in his hands.

  
“Yeah. Just a few pictures for the new CD. They put Benny on a horse. You should have seen his face.” Benny was Dean’s drummer and one of his best friends. He’d heard that Benny was the one that kept Dean out of the bottle. Once Dean’s band and friends knew that Castiel hadn’t cheated, they welcomed him back into the family fold.

  
“What about you? Did you get to play cowboy too?” Castiel pulled Dean into his arms and kissed him lightly on the mouth.

  
“No, I just got to stand around holding a saddle. I felt dumb, but Charlie says it will be sexy as hell, her words, not mine.”

  
“Have you got a release date yet?” Castiel, ever the record producer, kept tabs on the business end of Dean’s career, even if he didn’t represent him anymore.

  
“We’re shooting for late October.” Dean propped his hip on Castiel’s desk. “You ready to go home, Babe?”

  
“In a minute. I have something to show you.” Suddenly, his palms were sweating and he felt dizzy. His hand shook when he opened the drawer and pulled out the ring box. “I know it’s too soon, Dean. I just wanted you to know how…committed I am to you. I love you so much and when the time is right, I want you to wear this.” He pushed the box across the shiny mahogany surface of his desk.

  
Dean didn’t move and Castiel was sure he’d made a mistake. He reached for it. “I’m sorry…it’s too soon…” Dean’s hand caught his before he could pull the box back.

  
“Is this the ring you bought…before…”

  
Castiel’s shock was evident. “How did you…?”

  
“You were in Houston and I swung by to take Gabriel out to lunch. He was still in a meeting, so I decided to wait in your office. I wasn’t really snooping, but I knew you kept gummy bears in your desk. I saw the box.” Dean looked at him sheepishly. “I’m only human, Cas.”

  
Castiel should have felt pain at Dean’s confession. Dean knew he had a ring, but still believed the worst that night. Maybe he should have been angry, but they’d had several long talks and that night was a distant bad memory they both wanted to forget.  
“If you want, I can buy another one,” Castiel offered.

  
Dean snagged the box with his other hand and stuffed it in his pocket. “Nope, this one will be just fine.”

  
**November 2, 2016**

  
Dean was nominated for Entertainer of the Year at the CMAs and he was sitting next to Cas in the front row of the Bridgestone Arena. He was up against some of the biggest names in country music and he was honored to have gotten this far. Cas was chatting with Reba McIntire, who was seated next to him and Dean knew it was time. He pulled the ring out of his pocket and slipped it on his left hand.

  
He kept his hand hidden for most of the evening. The lights dimmed and Kenny Chesney and Taylor Swift came to the podium to announce who would take home the coveted Entertainer of the Year Award. Cas took his right hand and gave it a squeeze.

  
“And this year’s Entertainer of the Year Award goes to…” There was a dramatic pause as the blonde singer opened the envelope. “…Dean Winchester.” A medley of his songs began to play and the cameras were all on him. He was stunned. Beside him, Cas was grinning and pulling him to his feet. He all but shoved Dean towards the stage.

  
He got to the podium and accepted the crystal statuette from Kenny. He was kissed by Taylor and then he was standing alone looking out into a sea of his peers. He swallowed and gave his trademark grin.

  
“I didn’t expect to win tonight…damn…I didn’t even prepare a speech.” The audience laughed. “You have no idea what this means to me.” He looked down at the statuette in his hands and then back out at crowded arena. His eyes locked on Cas’. “I have a few people to thank for sticking with me and believing in me. My brother, Sam…who’s always there to knock sense into me when I’m being stupid.” There was more laughter. “My band, they are the best. Crowley, my agent, who rides my ass to work harder. Charlie…she knows how special she is.” His gaze took in Cas, sitting there proudly in a black tux. God, he was gorgeous. “And most importantly, I need to thank my fiancé, Cas Novak.” He held up his left hand and the lights flashed on the small inset diamonds. “We went through hell and back. He loves me…and sometimes I don’t know why.” Cas wiped at his eyes and Reba whispered something to him. “He’s the reason I keep writing songs. He’s my inspiration. I love you, Cas.” Dean held the award aloft and exited the stage. Cameras were shoved into his face as everyone wanted a sound bite from the night’s big winner. Dean was polite. He knew how to treat the media. Flashbulbs popped around him. He saw a dark, unruly head of hair parting the reporters. Dean’s eyes lit up and the kiss stole his breath away. Cas whispered into his ear, “Is that a yes?”

  
“Yes.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> The song Dean writes is actually a bastardization of the song written and recorded by Garth Brooks - What She's Doing Now. It is a beautiful song. Check it out.


End file.
